Drama Therapy

Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist,
What's with all the dead air? It's been many days since your last post and I am growing impatient because there's nothing new on the internet.
Sincerely,
Bored

Dear Bored,
I'm sorry it's been taking me so long between posts. I've just been too busy to help people. Even though that's not what all the hurting people in the world who depend on my great advice need to hear at a time like this, (especially with all these wildfires burning to show God's displeasure with California over this whole gay marriage thing) it's the truth. Lest you think I'm wasting time working on being a good father and husband, let me assure you I have been spending every evening away from home with another woman. Her name is Kate, and the two of us have been working on a new sketch comedy show:

If you live in the greater Sacramento area and are looking for some not free (as in $12 a ticket) advice in the form of group drama therapy, drop by the Geery Theater this weekend. Laughs are guaranteed* and since that's the best over the counter medicine you can rest assured you'll feel better after attending. For more info check out here and here. And if you really think there's nothing new to see on the internet, you haven't seen this.

Your friend,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist

(*I totally lied, which is not unethical since I don't have a license)

I'm a Winner!

Thank you to everyone who voted for their favorite Unlicensed Therapist. As you can see, I really tore "Dr." Phil and "Dr." Laura a couple of new ones.Thanks to all of you from the bottom of my heart, you have validated my existence on the internet and beyond.

Love,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist

Damn These Ears!

Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
What can one do when the sound of a loved one's voice is grating and unpleasant? The obvious answer is if you love someone, you aren't really concerned with the timbre of their voice. I really love this person, but the sound of their voice is like Freddy Krueger's glove on a chalk board. Am I being petty? Help!

--unnerved by tonality

Dear Unnerved,
Relationships are tough enough, but when the timbre of a loved one's voice saying "I love you" is near unbearable, it just might be time to end the relationship. I don't usually advocate for break-ups, but this time I'll make an exception, because I have a hard time believing that anyone who would be using the analogy, "like Freddy Krueger's glove on a chalk board" deserves to have love in their life. Come on Unnerved, Nightmare on Elm Street came out twenty four years ago. I'm sure you could have come up with something more current and imaginative if you had just taken the time. It's that lack of caring that makes you an unresponsive and dull lover as well. That's conjecture of course, but since I have only five sentences and a fragment to draw my conclusions from it doesn't leave me with any other possibilities. Okay, maybe there's another, but it has to do with your own personal perceptions of what is grating and unpleasant. You currently see Freddy Krueger scraping his claw thingie on a chalk board as a negative. I think you can change that event into a positive with the following image:
MEOW!!!!! How's that voice sounding with Sexy Freddy on the brain? Forget about being petty, it's time to party. And remember, it's not really cheating if you're thinking of some horror beauty while you're making time with your sweetie, unless she finds out.

Your friend,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist