Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Trigger Finger Justice

Dear Jason Adair The Unlicensed Therapist,

Everybody makes fun of me. To my face and behind my back. Mostly behind my back. I know that going on a killing spree would be wrong. But how else can there be justice?

-Itchy Trigger Finger

Dear Itchy,
First and foremost, I feel I should let you know that there is no such thing as justice. I know there's a statue of that lady with the scales and the sword and her robe barely covering her ample bosom. While she may be rad and all she's a symbol of an unattainable ideal. What you're looking for falls a little more along the lines of payback. In the heat of the moment, calling the IRS on someone, hiding bull testicles under the seats of some one's car and leaving them to rot, or crawling under some one's house an knocking out piers until the bathtub comes through the floor might seem like good or even great ideas. But unless you're a sociopath, there will come a time when you will regret these actions. If you want a payback that is sure to make you feel good for the rest of your natural life nothing works better than success. Instead of getting upset about the things that people are saying about you behind your back, focus foreword on creating a new you that will be the envy of your peers. I know this sounds all feel goody and lame, but I swear that everything I've ever done that has turned out great, I've done out of spite for people who wronged me. Take your feelings of homicidal rage and fuel something great with them.

Your brother in spite,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist


Anonymous said...

I loved the rad picture that you linked to. Justice is looking fine.

Anonymous said...