Saturday, March 14, 2009

Are You Alive?


...I was just checking in to see if anyone was still alive.

I have been down in my "Apocalypse Bunker" (since October) trying to stay safe from roaming bands of former stock and mortgage owners.

Once my eyes adjusted to the light, I noticed that the streets were suprisingly absent of gangs and trash can fires. The porch was full of papers and the mail box was overflowing...It seems like the government has been spending A LOT of money to stimulate the economy. So far it looks like it has prevented Thunderdome from happening but not much else.

I noticed that you haven't been posting much lately.

Have you been forced to pick up work at In N Out Burger to help keep the food on the family's plates? (I know you haven't gone back to the old days of gay porn, I checked all the old websites, twice.) Or are you busy jet-setting with the aid of your share of the stimulus money?

No piece of the stimulus pie here. Just an eviction notice.
I should have run an ethernet line to my bunker, but I really thought it was all going to be over.

Glad to see people are still surviving.

Stimulusless in Seatle

Dear Stimulusness,
I am alive and well. I want to apologize to you and all my readers for not posting recently. I've been tied up doing sketch comedy and have barely had time to breathe much less make the world a better place by dishing out spurious advice on the internet. All that changes today. I promise to once again post regularly. At least until the economy finally collapses entirely and I am forced to barter my laptop for beans, or a can of non stick cooking spray, or to make someone stop stabbing me with a knife. In penance for being a crappy friend to turn to when in need, allow me to offer you this video. It made me feel good about the world for three minutes and twenty-seven seconds.

I'll write again soon, so keep sending those problems in.

Your friend,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist


Anonymous said...

oh, thank GOD!

Anonymous said...

oh, thank GOD!

Anonymous said...

Two points for the word 'spurious.' Points which you can barter when we finally reach full economic collapse.