Tuesday, December 2, 2008

The Greatest Television Show Ever and the Conundrum Which Constantly Plagues it's Viewers

Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist,

I have friends who still haven't seen the final episode of the recent season of LOST. I firmly believe that at this point we should all be free to discuss it openly. At what point can I just tell people who haven't seen it that their time is up? What is the statute of limitations on spoiler alerts?
-The Smoke Monster

Dear Smokey,
The spoiler statute of limitations, much like time itself, is not a constant. As far as the public at large goes, i.e. people sitting next to you at restaurants, bars, bathroom stalls, etc., you have an obligation to keep all pop culture knowledge secret for no longer than two weeks. As for people you know and care about, the time line can stretch out to infinity depending on how much you care about the probable enjoyment they will derive from seeing the show without knowing what's going to happen. Honestly though, you friends need to get their collective asses in gear and watch the end of last season. Since all the episodes are available online there's really no excuse. Send them an email and tell them the new season is starting soon and in order for you to be able to enjoy it you are going to need to discuss what happened last season. Let them know you value their insights and opinions and would love to solve the mysteries of the island together. If they choose not to catch up, they are choosing to cheat themselves out of the surprise and wonder that comes from a first hand experience of witnessing a story unfolding.

Your Fellow LOST fan,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist

PS. I had this fan fantasy last week ABC announced that as a Christmas present for mankind, they were going to start airing the new season before the start of the new year. I think that might really make peace on earth a possibility.

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