Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist,
I want to love people. But I often feel the hate coming on. As far as I can tell, the mandate to love/accept/understand people spans every religion, and most enlightened non-religious views. But does the idea of loving everyone cheapen the very idea of love?
-Tired of Loving
Dear Tired,
According to a song my son learned in kindergarten, and the hit book/video/lifegasm "The Secret" the more love you put out into the universe, the more will come back to you. You can argue with my son's beliefs, as he does go to an alternative school, but can you possibly ignore the bazillion copies of the book that people bought for their loser friends? Analytically speaking, loving everyone does not cheapen the idea of love because it is statistically impossible to love two people equally. (Unless they are identical twins. Or paternal twins dying from a rare non hereditary disease). This is possible, because love is not a constant but a variable whose value is dependant upon the relative lovability of the person in question. This allows you to assign different love values to everyone, thus preserving the "good love" for those whom you really love, and the "poor" to "negligible" love for those who keep going on and on about how much The Secret has changed their lives. The best thing about this assigning of values is that it is constantly in flux, which leaves room for your loved ones to jockey for position. (When I worked in an office, I kept a list on my window ranking all my coworkers from most favorite to least favorite. The people who had the most competitive dispositions would try to one up each other to get to the top of the list by giving me food. ) This turns your love into a commodity, whose value can only increase when demand is greater than supply, which will ultimately lead to most people realizing your love isn't worth the price and that they can live without it.
Don't be afraid to share the love,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
What's Really Bothering You?
Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist,
I have a serious problem. I still love my husband but I do not like him. We have evolved in different directions. I appreciate that he is a good man and a good father to our children. He is responsible and reliable. All the things some other women would kill for. But the way he eats his cereal sickens me and the way his dental floss clicks drives me insane. Do you think this feeling of disgust will pass?
- Looking my husband down in the mouth
Dear Looking,
I've actually received numerous letters concerning problems like yours recently. The whole "love but don't like" dilemma seems to be all the rage in 2008. What makes this trend interesting is that the problems people are having are never things that would be deal breakers, much less a cause to seek guidance from an unlicensed therapist. Growing too far apart is a natural process for at least 50% of married couples, while complaining about ridiculous things seems to affect more like 98% of married couples. Is your relationship really so good that the worst problem some people face is, "I can't stand the sound of my wife's voice"? Come on people! If your spouse had joined the Klan, or killed a neighbor and buried them under the potting shed, or loved the movie Sideways, you might have a argument worth making. As for the disgust, I'm wondering if it's not a little self loathing for feeling like you're a loser for falling out of like with this good man. The horrible truth is you don't need a good reason to fall out of like with someone. Unfortunately, without a big problem to work out, (i.e. Loving the Movie Sideways) it does make it harder to fix. So, I don't know if you'll ever get over the disgust. One thing that will definately help is to leave the room when your husband eats his cereal, and don't be in the bathroom when he flosses.
Sideways was a stupid movie,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
I have a serious problem. I still love my husband but I do not like him. We have evolved in different directions. I appreciate that he is a good man and a good father to our children. He is responsible and reliable. All the things some other women would kill for. But the way he eats his cereal sickens me and the way his dental floss clicks drives me insane. Do you think this feeling of disgust will pass?
- Looking my husband down in the mouth
Dear Looking,
I've actually received numerous letters concerning problems like yours recently. The whole "love but don't like" dilemma seems to be all the rage in 2008. What makes this trend interesting is that the problems people are having are never things that would be deal breakers, much less a cause to seek guidance from an unlicensed therapist. Growing too far apart is a natural process for at least 50% of married couples, while complaining about ridiculous things seems to affect more like 98% of married couples. Is your relationship really so good that the worst problem some people face is, "I can't stand the sound of my wife's voice"? Come on people! If your spouse had joined the Klan, or killed a neighbor and buried them under the potting shed, or loved the movie Sideways, you might have a argument worth making. As for the disgust, I'm wondering if it's not a little self loathing for feeling like you're a loser for falling out of like with this good man. The horrible truth is you don't need a good reason to fall out of like with someone. Unfortunately, without a big problem to work out, (i.e. Loving the Movie Sideways) it does make it harder to fix. So, I don't know if you'll ever get over the disgust. One thing that will definately help is to leave the room when your husband eats his cereal, and don't be in the bathroom when he flosses.
Sideways was a stupid movie,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Not Your Typical Fire Fighter
Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist,
I love all people earnestly. I reach out to my fellow humans and believe that we are all one--that we share a common spirit. I care about people. That said, I hate George W. Bush with a violent, virulent hatred. If that man was on fire I wouldn't piss on him to put out the flames. I want to see him tortured by Jihadists in a Muslim prison. I don't believe this is a contradiction, because I don't consider him to be human. But my other (licensed) therapist says this might be a problem. What does the unlicensed therapy community think?
-Mad as Heck
Dear Mad
The degree to which that kind of anger is acceptable depends on what you do with it. If you use that acid in your veins to get politically motivated and create change, that's fine. But if you're one of those people whose anger inspires you to make horribly obvious and derivative "agitprop" graphics for your myspace, or bore your friends and coworkers with your, oft repeated never realized, plans to move to Canada, or to seduce co-eds from the nearest college Young Republicans group for the express purpose of giving them the raging case of herpes you got at burning man last year, then you might be taking your hate for the president a little too far. Just remember; hate invalidates. And once you have invalidated your own beliefs and opinions, you will have just about as much credibility as the president now enjoys. One more thing for you to think about; everyone looks the same on fire. You could mistakenly watch and cheer, with a full bladder, as your mother burns because you assumed she was the president aflame. I think your mother deserves better than that, don't you?
Your friend on the internet,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
I love all people earnestly. I reach out to my fellow humans and believe that we are all one--that we share a common spirit. I care about people. That said, I hate George W. Bush with a violent, virulent hatred. If that man was on fire I wouldn't piss on him to put out the flames. I want to see him tortured by Jihadists in a Muslim prison. I don't believe this is a contradiction, because I don't consider him to be human. But my other (licensed) therapist says this might be a problem. What does the unlicensed therapy community think?
-Mad as Heck
Dear Mad
The degree to which that kind of anger is acceptable depends on what you do with it. If you use that acid in your veins to get politically motivated and create change, that's fine. But if you're one of those people whose anger inspires you to make horribly obvious and derivative "agitprop" graphics for your myspace, or bore your friends and coworkers with your, oft repeated never realized, plans to move to Canada, or to seduce co-eds from the nearest college Young Republicans group for the express purpose of giving them the raging case of herpes you got at burning man last year, then you might be taking your hate for the president a little too far. Just remember; hate invalidates. And once you have invalidated your own beliefs and opinions, you will have just about as much credibility as the president now enjoys. One more thing for you to think about; everyone looks the same on fire. You could mistakenly watch and cheer, with a full bladder, as your mother burns because you assumed she was the president aflame. I think your mother deserves better than that, don't you?
Your friend on the internet,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
I Hate the Eagles
Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
My significant other likes stupid stuff. Like inane pulpy movies and classic rock. Is it petty if this really REALLY bothers me?
sincerely,
I Hate the Eagles and Movies Based on Jane Austen Books
Dear I Hate,
Hatred for stuff your spouse likes is good for America. Everything you can't stand about this woman is a an economic boon for the following reasons:
1. Your spouse has to keep re-buying the lame crap you keep throwing away.
2. Therapist's fees are taxable.
3. Therapist's have A LOT of disposable income from overcharging people and they are made to pay taxes on those monies.
4. Divorce forces both parties to buy a new house, new appliances, and the love of their children.
From a financial perspective, in this bull market, I say let that pretty hate machine rev up. The sooner you get fed up enough to leave this uncultured mule the better. For all of us. Leaving your wife might be the single most important thing you can do to make the world a better place. Bear this in mind though, "The Eagles Greatest Hits Vol I" has sold 29 Million copies. That's two million more than "Thriller" and 22 million more than Hall and Oats "Rock and Soul - Part One." And just for information's sake, that's not a platinum album, that's diamond baby. No, I didn't just make that up, it's for true. Here's what the diamond award looks like:
Which oddly enough reminds me of this
great LPGA golf trophy: Which makes me wish I could find a picture of Kenny G accepting his Diamond award for "Breathless." Bottom line? The odds are good that your next wife will also be able to whistle Hotel California if not sing all the lyrics. So best to just quit whining like a shameless baby and learn to love your wife for something other than her taste in music and movies.
Good luck with that,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
My significant other likes stupid stuff. Like inane pulpy movies and classic rock. Is it petty if this really REALLY bothers me?
sincerely,
I Hate the Eagles and Movies Based on Jane Austen Books
Dear I Hate,
Hatred for stuff your spouse likes is good for America. Everything you can't stand about this woman is a an economic boon for the following reasons:
1. Your spouse has to keep re-buying the lame crap you keep throwing away.
2. Therapist's fees are taxable.
3. Therapist's have A LOT of disposable income from overcharging people and they are made to pay taxes on those monies.
4. Divorce forces both parties to buy a new house, new appliances, and the love of their children.
From a financial perspective, in this bull market, I say let that pretty hate machine rev up. The sooner you get fed up enough to leave this uncultured mule the better. For all of us. Leaving your wife might be the single most important thing you can do to make the world a better place. Bear this in mind though, "The Eagles Greatest Hits Vol I" has sold 29 Million copies. That's two million more than "Thriller" and 22 million more than Hall and Oats "Rock and Soul - Part One." And just for information's sake, that's not a platinum album, that's diamond baby. No, I didn't just make that up, it's for true. Here's what the diamond award looks like:
Which oddly enough reminds me of this
great LPGA golf trophy: Which makes me wish I could find a picture of Kenny G accepting his Diamond award for "Breathless." Bottom line? The odds are good that your next wife will also be able to whistle Hotel California if not sing all the lyrics. So best to just quit whining like a shameless baby and learn to love your wife for something other than her taste in music and movies.
Good luck with that,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
Monday, June 9, 2008
Damn These Ears!
Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
What can one do when the sound of a loved one's voice is grating and unpleasant? The obvious answer is if you love someone, you aren't really concerned with the timbre of their voice. I really love this person, but the sound of their voice is like Freddy Krueger's glove on a chalk board. Am I being petty? Help!
--unnerved by tonality
Dear Unnerved,
Relationships are tough enough, but when the timbre of a loved one's voice saying "I love you" is near unbearable, it just might be time to end the relationship. I don't usually advocate for break-ups, but this time I'll make an exception, because I have a hard time believing that anyone who would be using the analogy, "like Freddy Krueger's glove on a chalk board" deserves to have love in their life. Come on Unnerved, Nightmare on Elm Street came out twenty four years ago. I'm sure you could have come up with something more current and imaginative if you had just taken the time. It's that lack of caring that makes you an unresponsive and dull lover as well. That's conjecture of course, but since I have only five sentences and a fragment to draw my conclusions from it doesn't leave me with any other possibilities. Okay, maybe there's another, but it has to do with your own personal perceptions of what is grating and unpleasant. You currently see Freddy Krueger scraping his claw thingie on a chalk board as a negative. I think you can change that event into a positive with the following image:
MEOW!!!!! How's that voice sounding with Sexy Freddy on the brain? Forget about being petty, it's time to party. And remember, it's not really cheating if you're thinking of some horror beauty while you're making time with your sweetie, unless she finds out.
Your friend,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
What can one do when the sound of a loved one's voice is grating and unpleasant? The obvious answer is if you love someone, you aren't really concerned with the timbre of their voice. I really love this person, but the sound of their voice is like Freddy Krueger's glove on a chalk board. Am I being petty? Help!
--unnerved by tonality
Dear Unnerved,
Relationships are tough enough, but when the timbre of a loved one's voice saying "I love you" is near unbearable, it just might be time to end the relationship. I don't usually advocate for break-ups, but this time I'll make an exception, because I have a hard time believing that anyone who would be using the analogy, "like Freddy Krueger's glove on a chalk board" deserves to have love in their life. Come on Unnerved, Nightmare on Elm Street came out twenty four years ago. I'm sure you could have come up with something more current and imaginative if you had just taken the time. It's that lack of caring that makes you an unresponsive and dull lover as well. That's conjecture of course, but since I have only five sentences and a fragment to draw my conclusions from it doesn't leave me with any other possibilities. Okay, maybe there's another, but it has to do with your own personal perceptions of what is grating and unpleasant. You currently see Freddy Krueger scraping his claw thingie on a chalk board as a negative. I think you can change that event into a positive with the following image:
MEOW!!!!! How's that voice sounding with Sexy Freddy on the brain? Forget about being petty, it's time to party. And remember, it's not really cheating if you're thinking of some horror beauty while you're making time with your sweetie, unless she finds out.
Your friend,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
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