Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed Thearapist,
I am approaching one year without a relationship and nine months of celibacy (yes, we got back together a few regrettable times). To put it bluntly, I am horny as hell. I live in an extremely men-less environment, with all male friends spoken for (that's why they're FRIENDS) and promises of blind dates of course forgotten by the next, hungover, day. One night stands do not appeal to me and have recently found myself fantasizing about said friends (eew). Presumably men do fantasize about their female friends but am not so sure vice versa. Would acting upon my fantasies be the path to hell? Should I hang onto my monastic life until I find that Someone Special again?
-Licentious Guilt
Dear Licentious,
STOP! Do not attempt to get with your guy friends who are spoken for. Acting on these thoughts will ensure that you not only don't have a boyfriend, but no longer have any regular style friends either. I know this hook-up might seem like an alright idea at this moment in time, but that's only because you haven't had sex in forever. Contemplating moral decisions you know to be wrong is a normal natural side effect of pent up lust and sexual frustrations. Before you do something that you and everyone you know will regret, you need to masturbate furiously. While this won't solve your man problems, it will help you to more rationally assess your situation. I firmly believe, with all my unlicensed therapeutic heart, that the longer one goes without sex, the crazier one becomes. I know that if I go for more than a week, my behavior becomes erratic and completely unfocused. If it has a similar effect on you, it will be another strike against you in your search for someone special. As far as fantasizing about your friends while you rub one out, this is totally acceptable. I think most people would be flattered to know that someone out there is thinking about them in that way. This does not mean you should tell them about it, EVER. That's one of those secrets that has the potential to be exceedingly creepy. So, take one hand off your keyboard, clear the cobwebs out of your head, and get back in the game.
Your personal cheerleader,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist.
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Friday, October 3, 2008
My Boyfriend Won't Share
Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist,
Why is it when you ask the man in your life if you can look at porn with him…the collection you know he has, or the websites you’re aware he visits…he doggedly says, “um yah, sure.” If guys like porn so much, why aren’t they willing to share it with their female partners? We’re willing to hold our noses and plunge into that water because we care. Why aren’t they willing, eager even, to accept the solicitation?
Prohibited Paired Porn, WA
Dear Porn,
The history of your boyfriend and his pornography go waaaaaaaaay back. While you were selling lemonade he was in his closet with an old cashmere sweater in one hand and a National Geographic in the other. The solitary relationship he's built with countless pages of the underwear section of the Sears Catalogue is ancient compared to the sexual relationship he has with you. He's seen girlfriends like you come and go, but the naked girls from Hustler have stayed by him through thick and thin. It's this age old bond with his fantasy world that he doesn't want to risk by inviting you into it. Mostly because he dosn't want you to ruin it. He fears that you will not enjoy looking at the disgusting filth that is the gospel of his id, and that you will look upon his shame and be repulsed. You say you want to plunge into that water, but it's really something you should wade into slowly, becasue it's cold, and dirty, and there's unidentifiable stuff floating in it. If you really want to explore the use of porn in your sex life, don't start with his porn. Find stuff you like and bring it in the bedroom. Be warned though, he'll probably be more supportive if your new interest than all of your old ones combined.
Your sexual mentor,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
Why is it when you ask the man in your life if you can look at porn with him…the collection you know he has, or the websites you’re aware he visits…he doggedly says, “um yah, sure.” If guys like porn so much, why aren’t they willing to share it with their female partners? We’re willing to hold our noses and plunge into that water because we care. Why aren’t they willing, eager even, to accept the solicitation?
Prohibited Paired Porn, WA
Dear Porn,
The history of your boyfriend and his pornography go waaaaaaaaay back. While you were selling lemonade he was in his closet with an old cashmere sweater in one hand and a National Geographic in the other. The solitary relationship he's built with countless pages of the underwear section of the Sears Catalogue is ancient compared to the sexual relationship he has with you. He's seen girlfriends like you come and go, but the naked girls from Hustler have stayed by him through thick and thin. It's this age old bond with his fantasy world that he doesn't want to risk by inviting you into it. Mostly because he dosn't want you to ruin it. He fears that you will not enjoy looking at the disgusting filth that is the gospel of his id, and that you will look upon his shame and be repulsed. You say you want to plunge into that water, but it's really something you should wade into slowly, becasue it's cold, and dirty, and there's unidentifiable stuff floating in it. If you really want to explore the use of porn in your sex life, don't start with his porn. Find stuff you like and bring it in the bedroom. Be warned though, he'll probably be more supportive if your new interest than all of your old ones combined.
Your sexual mentor,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Please please me, and don't say ouch too loud, it spoils the moment
Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed Thearapist,
I have a friend whose partner is not as sexually adventurous as he is. In fact, there are some acts to which she simply says NO and even guilt-trips him for wanting to do such things.
Doesn't a lover have a certain responsibility to please his/her partner, or at least be willing to try?
-Don't Say Don't
Dear Don't
I know this might seem totally unfair, but even after you're married NO still means NO. At the same time, guilt-tripping a person about their wants, especially ones that they perceive as needs, is an ugly and careless thing to do that usually comes from the wanter not being able to take NO for an answer. What's needed here is a little diplomacy. Your "friend" must change his tactics before he ends up in an inescapable quagmire of loathing, cruelty, and sexual dissatisfaction.
One way to do this is by improving diplomatic relations concerning sexual relations. He should approach his partner as a potential business partner he's trying to sell on a risky pyramid scheme. Lay out his needs and make a case as to why he should be allowed to proceed, and most importantly, what's in it for their partner. He should build a good case by doing his homework on the ins and outs of whatever freak nasty thing he wants to perpetrate on the person he cares deeply about. Do this to show them you've taken their fears and risks into account, which is a great way to build trust and confidence. Also, he needs to figure out how much he's willing to give in return to get what he wants.
I know all this sounds terribly unsexy, but I'm guessing the acts he wants to perpetrate on his partner are viewed in a similar way. Before going into these negotiations, he needs to figure out just how far he's willing to go to make this thing happen. Where is the line that can not be crossed? If the girl wants to soil a diaper and have him clean up the mess, is he still game? If she wants to watch him make out with another dude, would he still be down? If she wants him to take six months of square dancing lessons, is it worth it? Not knowing, and sticking to, your limits is how many good people end up paying $150 for an A-Team lunch box on ebay, whose arrival is accompanied by a sense of shame for spending that much money on a toy.
So tell your "friend" to get his business acumen on! But be warned, it's possible that whatever depraved thing your friend gets to do to his lady friend could simultaneously be everything he ever dreamed of and a living nightmare for her, one she will be unwilling to live through again. This begs the Smokey Robinson question: Is a little taste of honey worse than none at all? But if he's willing to risk potentially being doubly tormented for the rest of his life, then godspeed and good luck.
Your confidant,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
I have a friend whose partner is not as sexually adventurous as he is. In fact, there are some acts to which she simply says NO and even guilt-trips him for wanting to do such things.
Doesn't a lover have a certain responsibility to please his/her partner, or at least be willing to try?
-Don't Say Don't
Dear Don't
I know this might seem totally unfair, but even after you're married NO still means NO. At the same time, guilt-tripping a person about their wants, especially ones that they perceive as needs, is an ugly and careless thing to do that usually comes from the wanter not being able to take NO for an answer. What's needed here is a little diplomacy. Your "friend" must change his tactics before he ends up in an inescapable quagmire of loathing, cruelty, and sexual dissatisfaction.
One way to do this is by improving diplomatic relations concerning sexual relations. He should approach his partner as a potential business partner he's trying to sell on a risky pyramid scheme. Lay out his needs and make a case as to why he should be allowed to proceed, and most importantly, what's in it for their partner. He should build a good case by doing his homework on the ins and outs of whatever freak nasty thing he wants to perpetrate on the person he cares deeply about. Do this to show them you've taken their fears and risks into account, which is a great way to build trust and confidence. Also, he needs to figure out how much he's willing to give in return to get what he wants.
I know all this sounds terribly unsexy, but I'm guessing the acts he wants to perpetrate on his partner are viewed in a similar way. Before going into these negotiations, he needs to figure out just how far he's willing to go to make this thing happen. Where is the line that can not be crossed? If the girl wants to soil a diaper and have him clean up the mess, is he still game? If she wants to watch him make out with another dude, would he still be down? If she wants him to take six months of square dancing lessons, is it worth it? Not knowing, and sticking to, your limits is how many good people end up paying $150 for an A-Team lunch box on ebay, whose arrival is accompanied by a sense of shame for spending that much money on a toy.
So tell your "friend" to get his business acumen on! But be warned, it's possible that whatever depraved thing your friend gets to do to his lady friend could simultaneously be everything he ever dreamed of and a living nightmare for her, one she will be unwilling to live through again. This begs the Smokey Robinson question: Is a little taste of honey worse than none at all? But if he's willing to risk potentially being doubly tormented for the rest of his life, then godspeed and good luck.
Your confidant,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
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