Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I Hate the Eagles

Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist
My significant other likes stupid stuff. Like inane pulpy movies and classic rock. Is it petty if this really REALLY bothers me?

I Hate the Eagles and Movies Based on Jane Austen Books

Dear I Hate,
Hatred for stuff your spouse likes is good for America. Everything you can't stand about this woman is a an economic boon for the following reasons:
1. Your spouse has to keep re-buying the lame crap you keep throwing away.
2. Therapist's fees are taxable.
3. Therapist's have A LOT of disposable income from overcharging people and they are made to pay taxes on those monies.
4. Divorce forces both parties to buy a new house, new appliances, and the love of their children.
From a financial perspective, in this bull market, I say let that pretty hate machine rev up. The sooner you get fed up enough to leave this uncultured mule the better. For all of us. Leaving your wife might be the single most important thing you can do to make the world a better place. Bear this in mind though, "The Eagles Greatest Hits Vol I" has sold 29 Million copies. That's two million more than "Thriller" and 22 million more than Hall and Oats "Rock and Soul - Part One." And just for information's sake, that's not a platinum album, that's diamond baby. No, I didn't just make that up, it's for true. Here's what the diamond award looks like:

Which oddly enough reminds me of this
great LPGA golf trophy: Which makes me wish I could find a picture of Kenny G accepting his Diamond award for "Breathless." Bottom line? The odds are good that your next wife will also be able to whistle Hotel California if not sing all the lyrics. So best to just quit whining like a shameless baby and learn to love your wife for something other than her taste in music and movies.

Good luck with that,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist

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