Sunday, July 6, 2008

Penis+ Motorcycle = Big Penis

Dear Jason Adair Unlicensed Therapist,
I have a huge motorcycle in my living room. Am I trying to compensate for things that might not be huge in my life? Like in my pants? Like my penis for example?
-Motorcycle Dependant

Dear Motorcycle,

While I'm not technically a sex therapist, I do occasionally dabble in the "Dark Sex Arts." According to Anton Szandor LaVey, "A man who dabbles in motorsports is looking for a distraction from the ever present spectre of death." While this is true, I can't help but think that a man who keeps a motorcycle in his room is doing more than dabbling. Unfortunately, since Anton is no longer with us, I can't really ask him. My first instinct is to go with the compensation theory because it's so easy, but I'm not sure it's the best unlicensed opinion since even Freud said, "sometimes a big ass motorcycle is just a big ass motorcycle." The most important issue here though, is not whether you are trying to offset your remarkably small penis, but if it's working. Do girls really fall for it? If the answer is no, I would suggest putting the motorcycle into storage and purchasing a large (at least 10x) magnifying glass to attach at a 45 degree angle at the bottom of your belt buckle. I know employing an optical illusion to trick girls into thinking you've got the goods might seem like cheating, but it's not unless you plan to marry them. But let's face it, you undersized guys rarely tie the knot. If the answer is yes, please post information as to the make and model of the motorcycle so that we can all follow your lead.

Your Friend on the Internet,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist

1 comment:

Me said...

And don't forget to shave down there, for the added "optical" inch...