Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Who Doesn't Love Banana Slugs

Dear Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist,
A few years ago, one of my best friends got married. The ceremony was held at a little church on the north coast of CA. The reception was at a private campsite. There was a dinning hall, a dance hall and cabins scattered throughout the redwoods. It reeked of natural beauty. There were some people there who did not appreciate the natural beauty of some of the nature around us. Giant banana slugs could be found almost anywhere. My son was photographed licking a banana slug. I did not get the photo with my own camera. Now, when I ask my friend if he has the photo, he gets defensive. He thought the banana slug photos were a "comment" on the reception. I think some stuffy family members may have said something. The truth is the reception was one of the best I have ever been to! All of my friends had a great time. I say F@$& the family! I need to get a photo of my son licking a banan slug! Do you know where I can get such a picture? And, no, I am not a NAMBLA member. And, no, "licking a banan slug" is not slang for something obscene.

Please help,
Slugless in Seatle

Dear Slugless,

Your letter indicates a major misconception of the average internet user and a major shortcoming of the internet itself; If the photo is not of a naked woman, you will never find it. To prove this point, I entered your entire letter into a google image search and came up with the following images:

But when I typed "naked boobs" into the middle of the letter I got way different response:

Obviously this was not the kind of photo I was expecting, maybe I'll try erasing everything except "naked boobs" and see if that gets me anything.
I can't believe this. Someone broke the internet. I bet the ghost of Jerry Falwell got in the damn internet and killed all the porn. This is a dark day indeed...never mind, the wife put the safe search on. Oh thank God, we have been delivered! Either way, here's some kids licking banana slugs photos google gave me, hope these kids are yours cause I've got better things to be looking up now.



Your master googler,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist


Anonymous said...

Thank You for fixing the internet!
I knew, if it could be done, that you were the one who could do it!
You truly are a gifted helper.
Who needs a license? Not you!
p.s. I LOVE exclamation points!!!

Anonymous said...

The Apple Dumpling Gang is the greatest. Thanks for the memories.