Entrophy VS Order VS Morning Wood

Dear Jason-

I am having a problem with the universe. It doesn't seem to make sense. I am not whining that life is not fair or easy. Instead, I just don't see any logical grouping of circumstances that point towards order, reason or sense. Point in case (this is what is threatening to make me put my faith in entropy vs order)...How in the universe does it make sense to give me morning wood and morning breath at the same time? Can you provide me with proof that the universal plan is a good one, or should I just know that sooner or later everything will go to shit?

-Sensless in Seatle

Dear Senseless,
My unlicensed opinion on the universe and the meaning of life and all related matters is that I have know idea how or why anything works the way it does. This not only includes why we're here, but also includes math, electricity, electronics, how to get stains out of things and why I feel the need to make others uncomfortable through the abuse of "personal space". Here's a link to a website that asks and answers some great questions about "pre-meaning of life" assumptions. I know this answer seems like I'm passing the buck on helping people out who are having the what's-it-all-about dilemma, and I am, but to make up for it I will solve the morning wood/morning breath conundrum. This phenomena has it's root, if you will, in evolutionary biology. Millions of years ago, shortly after the Eden Epoch there was a mass extinction. Over three quarters of the worlds population (approximately 78 people) died of hunger and hunger related illnesses, namely starving. This happened because morning wood was accompanied not by the foul reek of filthy mouth, but by an oral musk not unlike Drakkar Noir. So instead of getting up and going to work, people just hung around having sex all morning, and then napped until lunch, when they would wake up again and have sex again then nap till dinner and have yet more sex. It was for this reason that the Drakkar Sneetches were kicked out of the gene pool and the hard working yuck mouth's took over the planet and spawned us utterly offensive, and hard working, folk.

Your stinky rock hard friend,
Jason Adair the Unlicensed Therapist